What Hurts The Most
by SilverAbyss
Summary: When you think you're falling in love with someone, then they leave, can you learn to get over the past? One person is having trouble doing so. RikuXSora more details inside . R


**Hi everyone. Thanks for taking the time to stop and read this. This is the first fic I have ever completed and I actually think it turned out pretty good (but I'll leave the judging up to you). Anyways, I do get inspiration sometimes from songs, so be prepared (cough). Yes, I know the title is just _SO_ original. -nervous laugh- Hehe. Getting back to the matter at hand, this is the Rascal Flatts version of the song (not Cascada's remix). It was the first time in a long time that I have listened to it, and I got the urge to write something with it. Even though I made this a RikuXSora fic, I also wanted to dedicate this to other pairings out there as well (not necessarily yaoi), hence the reason why I left out any names or genders. I also had other pairings in mind while writing this besides Riku and Sora, which is why I thought it would be fitting for others as well. Therefore, feel free to picture this story about any of your favorite couples that you think would fit. And if you would like to mention some pairings you thought went well with this, feel free to tell me them in a review. Now, onto the story! -ahem-**

**Warning: Angst, emo-ing**

**Disclaimer: I, give my word, that I do not own, nor ever shall own, the song, Riku, Sora, or any other characters that gave me inspiration to write this story. (-sniff, sniff-) All ownership belongs to the wonderful people (who we envy while at the same time bless) who came up with them for our entertainment. Moving on...**

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What Hurts The Most

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_I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house  
That don't bother me  
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out  
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while  
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me  
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok  
But that's not what gets me_

I just stand there, letting the icy water wash over me. The thick droplets of rain spatter on my face as the wind whips viciously at my body, yet I don't feel the sting. I don't feel it, because my chest hurts more than words can express. If I were to try, I would say it feels like I'm breaking, piece by piece. Slowly, painfully, I'm falling apart. I don't cry. Not really. I'm all out of tears. My right hand grips tightly at my chest, twisting in the fabric of my shirt. I stare straight ahead, but it doesn't matter. I'm not truly looking at anything anymore.

_What hurts the most  
Was being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was tryin' to do_

It seems like a far off memory, yet at the same time it's as vivid as if it had just happened, clawing at my insides and ripping at my heart. Yet it's actually the tenth anniversary of that bitter day. Ten long years, but it looks like I finally broke. It was finally too much. I had tried to bury the memories of you, not just of that day but before that day, even before my feelings started to confuse me. Before I realized what they might be. Thinking about you in any way is always so…painful.

_It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go  
But I'm doin' It  
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone  
Still Harder  
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret  
But I know if I could do it over  
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart  
That I left unspoken_

I have nowhere to go, no one to turn to. It hurts when I'm alone, it hurts when I'm with others, and it especially hurts when I'm around our friends. They know too. They know what it does to me. They try to help me, try to comfort me, but they just make it worse. It happens nearly every time. Whenever we laugh, joke, or talk about something you would find funny or you would want to talk about. When someone says something that would come natural for you to say or at least agree with, giving a small chuckle or a smirk. It leaves me feeling so hollow. Even more so every time one of them slips up and mentions you. The rest always scowl and glare at whoever let it slip, even though that person is usually immediately aware of their mistake. It's almost funny. Then they always turn their eyes on me. I hate it more and more each time. I hate their apologetic looks, the sympathy in their eyes. I don't really stop to think about the pain it's caused them. Maybe because I'm bitter. I'm bitter that they can still get by alright, still see the joys in life…while I'm slowly fading into depression and dying on the inside.

_What hurts the most  
Is being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do_

I still remember every moment of that day all to well. The day that I was going to tell you, going to try to sum up whatever feelings I had for you. The day I was going to risk it all, just to try. Seems like you had other plans though. I whimper as the invisible vice around my heart clenches harder at the memory. I don't even notice what my body is doing anymore. All I can notice is the pain, the raw feeling of it. The pain that should have dulled over all this time but only seems to strengthen. I guess I really did…really do love you. If only it wasn't too late. If only you had noticed. If only I had been more important to you than that person. If only I had realized sooner, told you sooner. If only my wish had come true…that you had felt the same. Then maybe…maybe it wouldn't be like this now. I'm on my knees, the bitter wind and rain still cutting at my skin. I don't feel the cold, the frozen feeling deep down, going to my bones. I don't hear the frantic calls in the distance, of the friends that still care for me. I don't fully register the feeling of my life slipping from me before my eyes, but I do realize it's there. I'm not afraid. I should be…but I'm not.

_What hurts the most  
Was being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do_

Even more, I don't see you right in front of me, in the distance. I don't truly see you running towards me, yelling something at me. I assume it's all in my head. That sorrowful look on your face screams something different though. I'm vaguely aware of my own mind yelling at me, trying to tell me that this is real. That you are really here after all this time. I don't really want to believe it. I do, but then I don't. That look though, that look on your face. Don't look like that. It doesn't fit you. You're getting closer, but I still don't know what you're trying to tell me. I don't feel my body move, but I see the ground coming closer. I loose sight of you in favor of the soaked grass beneath me, and for a moment it scares me. I want to be able to see you, even if this might not be real, I don't want you to leave my sight. You're there, next to me. You pull me into you're lap and as I look up into you're gaze, I see the pain and the tears leaking from them. Why, why do you cry? Do I really mean even that much to you? Why didn't you notice back then, or was it I who didn't notice you're feelings? You're talking to me, I have to strain to try and figure out what you are saying. I can tell I'm already so far gone. I don't know if I'll be able to make it back. I'm sorry. My eyelids are drooping and I see the wild look that flashes in your eyes, the raw desperation and fear. You pull me closer, and whisper frantically in my ear.

"Please, please don't…don't you dare leave me. I swear to Gods, don't you dare leave me! I won't forgive you. I-I won't forgive you if you do. I…I love you! I love you too damn much to loose you! Please, I'm sorry I didn't realize it sooner, just…don't leave me now, now that I do know. I want you by my side forever. Just hold on, for me, please." I hear other voices again, getting closer. I can even hear a siren somewhere in the distance. Funny how selective hearing can be at times. I weakly nuzzle my head into your chest and you in return hold me even tighter. My eyelids drop further and soon I'm fading into the haze that's been tugging at my mind. The last thing I hear is you frantic voice, soothing me even as it breaks.

"I-I love you…"

_Not seeing that loving you  
That's what I was trying to do_

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**Hello again. I hope you enjoyed the story. Constructive critisism is welcome of course. I want to try to do better in upcoming fics. I'm sure you could already figure it out, but just in case, Sora was the person speaking and Riku was the one who came back. Please, please don't kill me. It's not what you think. Sora doesn't have to die. I don't want to kill him. So, whether or not he makes it is up to how you imagine the story ending. In my mind, they got him in time. -cheers- Anyways, reviews are appreciated! Thanks :)**


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